Heather's road to regret
Hey sass monkeys, Heather and Emily here—your guides to turning hot mess pasts into semi-respectable presents! Ever wonder how low you have to go before you hit rock bottom? Or maybe you're already there and need a laugh to claw your way back up? Well, brace yourselves for this no-holds-barred episode of Pissy But Pretty, where we're spilling secrets, facing cringe-worthy truths, and laughing in the face of our former train wreck selves.
Heather reveals how she staggered through life pretending the world was her stage, until one too many nights out made her realize she was the only one lost in the audience. Drinks, drama, and the desperate quest for validation—yep, we’re going there. From reckless college chaos to the chilling wake-up call that turned her life around, we're serving you brutal honesty with a side of sarcasm.
Feeling called out, or maybe just curious? Ever thought you might need to re-evaluate your boozy escapades? Tune in to unleash the raw, real, and downright ridiculous journey we've taken back to sanity (with a few bumps along the road).
Episode Highlights:
16:26 - It would come to me from time to time. A lot of times in the shower, like, when you like, you're having deep conversations with yourself in the shower. And I would have a little cry, and then I'd be like, "Nope. Nope. Nope." [Because you were raped.] Yeah, it took me till I sobered up almost four years ago to actually admit that to myself. I would think that happened or sometimes, like, laying in bed at night over, what, twenty years I would think about it. And I would be like, "Well, Heather, what did you expect? What did you expect was gonna happen?"
17:12 - Let's face it. Up to this point, I had many one-night stands, like, just being a complete drunken idiot. But this one was different. This one was like, just dealing with, I think I was drinking that away a lot, and the guilt and the shame I felt from that. Just be like, "Well, what do you expect Heather? You drink too much. And this is kind of the perception that you put out there or how you were dressed."
22:43 - There is a a vision in my head when you talk to me about standing on that street corner by yourself just in the middle of the night. And that was the rock bottom when there was so many other things that happened, hurting yourself and falling on your face and just so many devastating physical problems. But the rock bottom was the lonely moment when you had nothing but you and your thoughts. And you went, "Holy shit. I gotta change something."
Disclaimer:
Pissy but Pretty is all about real talk—raw, unfiltered, and sometimes messy. We tackle tough topics with honesty and humor, but we know that some conversations can hit deep.
If you or someone you know is struggling with sexual abuse or addiction, help is available:
📞 National Sexual Assault Hotline – 800-656-HOPE (4673)
📞 Substance Abuse & Mental Health Helpline – 800-662-HELP (4357)
You’re not alone—support is just a call away.
Connect with Heather Karenz
Connect with Emily Bagin
Transcript
I thought everybody liked me and was doing well.
Speaker B:You were funny.
Speaker A:You were.
Speaker B:You were carefree.
Speaker B:You felt sexy.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:You met that level of I feel so good.
Speaker B:I feel perfect.
Speaker A:Perfect.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:Dancing up a storm got in my exercise, of course, and then it just started getting more and more out of control.
Speaker A:Hello, and welcome to Pissy but Pretty, a show about hindsight, hope, tangents and cuss words.
Speaker A:We are your hosts.
Speaker A:Party tricks turn Semi responsible women.
Speaker A:I am your host, Heather Cairns and Emily Baggen.
Speaker A:Hello.
Speaker A:Hello there.
Speaker A:Welcome back.
Speaker B:Hi.
Speaker B:Thank you.
Speaker B:It's good to be here again.
Speaker A:Again with you.
Speaker A:Hey, you.
Speaker B:Hey, you.
Speaker A:Pissy but pretty.
Speaker A:Episode uno de Cinco.
Speaker A:Cinco de Mayo.
Speaker B:Oops.
Speaker B:We meant to say episode six.
Speaker B:Oh.
Speaker B:Cinco de Mayo, people.
Speaker A:That's what happens when you eat too much on Cinco de Mayo.
Speaker B:You get stinko de mao de nao.
Speaker A:Okay, that's the next day.
Speaker A:Thanks for joining us again and sticking around for five episodes.
Speaker A:Awesome.
Speaker A:Third day, and it is winter in Wisconsin.
Speaker A:And it's gross.
Speaker B:Ew.
Speaker A:And it's negative, like, 3 million degrees outside.
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:And I blame you because you hate summer.
Speaker B:I just wanted a white Christmas.
Speaker B:That's all I asked for.
Speaker B:And suddenly we have winter forever and ever and ever.
Speaker B:Yeah, you can blame me.
Speaker B:It's fine.
Speaker B:I'm a swamp beast and I'll own.
Speaker A:A.
Speaker A:Yeah, you are very sweaty.
Speaker A:All right, so on to you, my darling.
Speaker A:This one's about me.
Speaker A:This one's about you and how I became a train wreck.
Speaker A:I suppose.
Speaker B:Best way.
Speaker B:Best way.
Speaker A:Yeah, we learned.
Speaker B:Live and learn.
Speaker A:So I guess we got into, like, how I grew up.
Speaker A:Oldest out of five kids, going to a Lutheran grade school for 10 years with the same, like, 15 kids in my class stifling.
Speaker A:Ugh.
Speaker A:And just trying to be seen, heard and heard.
Speaker A:And in, like, having everything to be perfect, like, I think that was where I stuck out the most.
Speaker A:Because I am the most imperfect, perfect person I know.
Speaker B:Imperfectly perfect in every way.
Speaker A:In every way.
Speaker A:Like a spoonful of sugar.
Speaker B:Kind of like Mary Poppins.
Speaker B:Only a slut.
Speaker A:If she was, she goes to your homes for different reasons.
Speaker B:That carpet bag too big.
Speaker A:She's got a big carpet.
Speaker A:Anyways, this is going off track.
Speaker A:All right, So I guess, where do I begin?
Speaker B:Where do you begin?
Speaker B:We're gonna begin at school.
Speaker B:The Lutheran school.
Speaker A:The Lutheran school.
Speaker B:Our religion.
Speaker B:Our need to be perfect, which you will never, ever, ever, ever, ever achieve.
Speaker B:But you tried super duper, duper hard to do that.
Speaker A:I don't think I tried super hard to be Perfect.
Speaker A:Because I knew I wasn't going to be.
Speaker A:And that's how I stuck out, being the naughty kid.
Speaker A:As naughty as you can be in a Lutheran school with like 15 people.
Speaker B:Toto.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker B:You're just not gonna stick.
Speaker A:My naughty was I wore earrings bigger than a quarter.
Speaker A:Got sent to the principal's office.
Speaker A:You know, which the principal's office stunk like cigarettes.
Speaker A:Oh.
Speaker A:Like they could smoke back those days.
Speaker A:And yeah, they did also, I think when I got to high school, where I went, I had to convince my parents to let me go to the public high school where all of a sudden I had 350something kids in my class.
Speaker A:I remember trying so hard to just be like those girls.
Speaker A:Like, found a good group of friends, girlfriends, and I would talk like them, dress like them, act like them, because I didn't know how to be like them and I wanted to so badly.
Speaker A:And then as I started going through high school, I met kids that, like, were naughtier, and that's where I belonged.
Speaker A:And when did you start drinking?
Speaker A:I remember, like, drinking for my first time when I was like 15 or 16.
Speaker B:But like, and we have children that are 14, and the thought of.
Speaker B:Yeah, it kind of puts it into perspective.
Speaker A:Yeah, but I felt like I was still one of the younger people.
Speaker A:Like, I hadn't.
Speaker A:I was like one of the only people who hadn't drank yet.
Speaker A:So, like, I don't know how early they all started, but yeah.
Speaker A:I mean, unless you consider the communion wine.
Speaker A:But yeah.
Speaker A:And so Jesus blood, Isn't that what that is?
Speaker B:It's creepy.
Speaker A:A little bit.
Speaker A:A little bit.
Speaker B:So did you do it for a reason at that point, or was it just like, socially?
Speaker A:Socially, like, it was like, you know, in our day, where we grew up, it was like you drive in the back of a building or field and everybody's drinking.
Speaker A:And I think I got drunk for my first time, maybe like junior or senior year.
Speaker A:But, like, nothing wild and outrageous.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But then when I went off to college after high school, that's when shit got real.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:In fact, like, my first.
Speaker A:I remember my whole family moved me up to college.
Speaker A:And when they were saying goodbye to me, it was all of a sudden, what am I doing?
Speaker A:I was talking to a guy back at home.
Speaker A:And a lot of my friends were still back at home or off at other colleges.
Speaker A:And then I realized they're dropping me off where I know pretty much no one.
Speaker A:I knew a couple people that went up to college in La Crosse, but I didn't know they Weren't, like, good friends of mine.
Speaker B:You're on your own.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:On your own.
Speaker A:So, like, when they left, I remember having a good cry, like, what am I doing?
Speaker A:I need to go back home.
Speaker A:Until five minutes later and they're fucking gone.
Speaker A:They're gone.
Speaker B:You had a Kevin McAllister moment in home Alone.
Speaker A:Yes, I did.
Speaker A:My family disappear.
Speaker B:Don't get scared now.
Speaker A:I did okay.
Speaker A:For five minutes.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And then there was a knock on my dorm room door.
Speaker A:And this girl.
Speaker A:Girl who later became a very good friend of mine for a long, long time, she knocked on my door and she was like, do you wanna go outside and have a cigarette with me?
Speaker A:And I was like, yes, I do.
Speaker A:Yeah, I do.
Speaker A:So we're sitting outside on the steps, A bunch of guys walk out, and they're like, hey, we're going to a house party.
Speaker A:You guys wanna come?
Speaker A:We're like, yep.
Speaker B:And that was it.
Speaker A:I went from being absolutely devastated to a house party in, like, less than an hour.
Speaker A:That's amazing.
Speaker A:And that started my college career, if you will.
Speaker A:Mm.
Speaker A:That was a great time.
Speaker A:I remember I majored.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:My dad said I majored in barrel stands and beer bongs.
Speaker A:I was actually going for fashion and marketing, but, yeah, barrel stands and beer bongs.
Speaker A:And I excelled at that.
Speaker B:Yes, you did.
Speaker A:It was a bunch of house parties, a bunch of dancing.
Speaker A:Oh, God, it was so fun.
Speaker A:It was so fun.
Speaker A:But that's when I realized, yeah, I only lasted a year and a half.
Speaker A:Partied my way right out was a really expensive lesson.
Speaker B:We all have those.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Most of them are called children.
Speaker B:Expensive lessons.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think then coming home and being a disappointment that it didn't last well or didn't go well up there.
Speaker A:And then having to move back in with my family where I am supposed to be perfect again.
Speaker A:But being the rebel that I was, I was not gonna let that happen.
Speaker A:And it's easier if they're disappointed in you all the time.
Speaker A:Of course, then you don't have too high of standards.
Speaker B:Yep.
Speaker A:I liked living there.
Speaker A:Like in the disappointment level basement, if you will.
Speaker A:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker A:And I think that then.
Speaker A:Let's see.
Speaker A:Oh, well.
Speaker A:Also lost my virginity when I was there in college.
Speaker A:Took me a while.
Speaker A:Took me a while to lose my virginity.
Speaker A:I was 19.
Speaker A:I will never forget.
Speaker A:I was so picked on for being the only virgin in our friend group.
Speaker A:I was the only one that I knew that was.
Speaker A:Everybody was picking on me so bad.
Speaker A:And so finally was at a house party at my friend's house.
Speaker A:Got a little tipsy.
Speaker A:And I knew the guy next door to me was interest or next door to her was interested.
Speaker A:And so I went and knocked on the door and I was like, you wanna do this or what?
Speaker B:Let's do this.
Speaker A:Literally.
Speaker A:So romantic.
Speaker B:And I read 30 seconds later, you weren't made fun of anymore.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:All of the sudden.
Speaker A:Oh, my God.
Speaker A:Like they say, like, most people will never forget their first time.
Speaker A:I barely remember it.
Speaker A:Barely remember it.
Speaker A:And I feel like that is a lesson.
Speaker A:Like, maybe I won't tell my son about.
Speaker A:Unless he's listening to this, of course, one day when he gets much older.
Speaker A:But it's like, that was my first time, really, because I was so sick and tired of people picking on me.
Speaker B:People romanticize your first time.
Speaker B:Oh, you'll never forget it.
Speaker B:It's supposed to be beautiful and perfect.
Speaker A:It's not like the movies.
Speaker B:Light a candle and it's all.
Speaker B:No.
Speaker A:Mm, mm.
Speaker A:There was no rose petals.
Speaker A:I think the mattress was on the floor, if I remember correctly.
Speaker B:Most likely.
Speaker B:And it probably.
Speaker A:Oh, probably.
Speaker A:Or.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Syphilis.
Speaker B:Maybe the clap.
Speaker A:Ew.
Speaker A:No, I didn't get anything.
Speaker A:Thank God.
Speaker A:Thank God.
Speaker A:Lord Jesus.
Speaker A:Anyways.
Speaker B:That give you a metal mouth?
Speaker B:Ooh, I don't know.
Speaker B:I've heard.
Speaker A:Oh, okay.
Speaker A:Well, sucking on pennies, it's a lot like that.
Speaker A:Anyway.
Speaker A:Oh, speaking of, I got my first underage drinking ticket my 19th birthday.
Speaker A:They threw me a surprise birthday party, and I was like, got a present from the La Crosse Police Department.
Speaker A:I was so proud.
Speaker A:Until the next day, I was like, oh, well, shit.
Speaker B:Oopsies.
Speaker A:Yeah, oopsies.
Speaker A:But that was the only one I got, thank God.
Speaker A:But then going home and then living in that disappointment, going out a lot like we had, and I believe you were.
Speaker A:Were you a part of this at that time where we had a different ladies night every night of the week?
Speaker A:We would drive 45 minutes to drink for free.
Speaker B:Of course, guys had, like, what bars you could go to for wings that were super cheap.
Speaker A:We had ladies nights and they kept track of the ladies nights.
Speaker A:Let's not be.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:If they had wings, it was a double whammy.
Speaker A:But, yeah.
Speaker A:And I think that going into the partying and the disappointment, it just spiraled out of control.
Speaker B:Started kind of drinking for a reason.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like, forget it.
Speaker B:Forget it all.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:And being there, being at the clubs where everybody knew me, I felt important and, like, this is the real me.
Speaker A:Like, it wasn't.
Speaker A:Like, it took me a couple drinks to get to the real me.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But I thought everybody liked me and was doing well.
Speaker B:You were funny, you were carefree, you felt sexy.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker B:Met that level of I feel so good.
Speaker B:I feel perfect.
Speaker A:Perfect, exactly.
Speaker A:Dancing up a storm got in my exercise, of course.
Speaker A:And then it just started getting more and more out of control.
Speaker A:Where like, I'd show up to work because we'd go to an after party and not have any sleep.
Speaker A:I'd wake up and look in the mirror and I'd be like, wow, I look good.
Speaker A:Like, after my 15 minutes of sleep, I don't need to do my makeup till halfway through the day.
Speaker A:You go to the bathroom and it's like, whoa, whoa.
Speaker A:What was I thinking?
Speaker A:I was still drunk, obviously, or something.
Speaker A:I can't believe clients didn't get drunk off of the booze that was oozing out of my pores.
Speaker A:It was so gross.
Speaker A:So, yeah, things just kept getting worse and worse and worse.
Speaker B:What about food?
Speaker A:Food was a big issue.
Speaker A:I think I was eating my way out of depression as well.
Speaker A:Didn't get to heaviest yet at that point.
Speaker A:There was an issue when I was like 24, I believe I was.
Speaker A:Was out with a good friend of mine.
Speaker A:And I remember we had only been there.
Speaker A:Like, I don't even think we made it to the bar.
Speaker A:But this guy came up and started talking to us.
Speaker A:All I remember about this guy was that he had glasses.
Speaker A:Not my type.
Speaker A:Well, not just because of the glasses.
Speaker A:He wasn't my type.
Speaker A:But he was like shorter and like just.
Speaker A:I mean, that's somebody's type.
Speaker A:I'm not trying to rip on short people.
Speaker A:Sorry.
Speaker A:But just not my type at the time.
Speaker A:I mean.
Speaker A:And he was white.
Speaker A:Back in those days.
Speaker A:I wasn't into white guys.
Speaker A:And I think.
Speaker A:Cause white guys weren't into me.
Speaker A:Let's face it, you were thick.
Speaker A:I was thick.
Speaker A:White guys liked the skinny twigs.
Speaker A:So I remember having he asked my friend and I what we wanted to drink.
Speaker A:And Bud Light, of course, is what it was at that time.
Speaker A:And he came back with a Bud Light and a couple Jager bombs.
Speaker A:We both did a Jager bomb.
Speaker A:And the next thing I remember is waking up and.
Speaker A:Oh God.
Speaker A:Waking up and not knowing where I was.
Speaker A:Turning over.
Speaker A:And there was that man that I was not attracted to.
Speaker A:I don't even know his name still to this day.
Speaker A:I quick got dressed.
Speaker A:Cause I was naked.
Speaker B:Whoopsies.
Speaker A:Yep.
Speaker A:Got dressed and went out to the living room.
Speaker A:Called my friend really quietly.
Speaker A:I'm like, you need to come and get me.
Speaker A:She goes, well, where are You.
Speaker A:I looked out the window.
Speaker A:I had no clue where I was.
Speaker B:Oh, my gosh.
Speaker A:So I said, I don't even know where I am.
Speaker A:And so I remember having to go in and wake this guy up.
Speaker A:I was like, hey, excuse me.
Speaker A:Me here.
Speaker B:Hi.
Speaker A:Do I look the same with clothes on?
Speaker A:But I was like, I need to go home now.
Speaker A:And so he ended up taking me home.
Speaker A:I ended up.
Speaker A:I was in Pewaukee.
Speaker B:Oh, okay.
Speaker A:Had no clue.
Speaker A:That's about a good 20 minutes from my house.
Speaker A:Took me home and never let myself think about.
Speaker A:Would come to me from time to time.
Speaker A:A lot of times in the shower.
Speaker A:You're having deep conversations with yourself in the shower?
Speaker B:Of course.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:And I would have a little cry, and then I'd be like, nope, nope, nope.
Speaker B:Because you were raped.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:It took me till I sobered up almost four years ago to actually admit that to myself.
Speaker A:I would think that that happened.
Speaker A:Or sometimes, like laying in bed at night over what, 20 years, I would think about it and I would be like, well, Heather, what did you expect?
Speaker A:What did you expect was gonna happen?
Speaker A:And.
Speaker B:And that's the disgusting point of view.
Speaker B:That's.
Speaker A:Well, and let's face it, I had had up to this point, I had had many one night stands, like, just being a complete drunken idiot.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:But this one was different.
Speaker A:This one was like.
Speaker A:So it.
Speaker A:Like just dealing with.
Speaker A:I think I was drinking that away a lot.
Speaker A:Like.
Speaker A:And the guilt and the shame I felt from that just be like, well, what do you expect, Heather?
Speaker A:You drink too much.
Speaker A:And this is kind of the perception that you put out there.
Speaker A:And you know, or how were you dressed or you know what, you were there.
Speaker A:Yeah, were there.
Speaker B:Is almost like the blame.
Speaker B:Putting the blame on the victim.
Speaker B:That victim shaming.
Speaker B:You were there, your tits were showing, you had.
Speaker B:You knew what was happening, but that's not.
Speaker A:And the whole reason why I sobered up was because I had had a time where I found my husband was away working, and I went out with a group of friends, you included, and I said, oh, I wasn't ready to go home yet.
Speaker A:So I went like.
Speaker A:Then I found different groups of friends in our hometown.
Speaker A:Friends, small.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I remember then I remember telling you because you were sober and you left and you said, you know, let me take you home.
Speaker A:And I was like, no, no, no, I'll get an Uber.
Speaker A:Knowing darn well that the weekend before my husband and I were out and we tried to get an Uber home and there wasn't any available.
Speaker A:A lot of Times where we live, they're not.
Speaker A:Sometimes on the weekends you can get one.
Speaker A:Well, when I was.
Speaker A:I found myself by myself, called an Uber.
Speaker A:And it took an hour and a half for this Uber to get there.
Speaker A:And I was sitting outside the bar waiting by myself.
Speaker A:And I just remember waking up the next morning, Heather, how did you let yourself get so out of control?
Speaker A:And at this time, I was like, what, 40 something?
Speaker A:40, 41.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I said, I told myself I was never gonna let myself get that out of control.
Speaker A:Again and again, the memories started popping up over the years.
Speaker A:You would get like, little blips of, like, what happened that night.
Speaker A:Like, oh, my God, I remember waking up with this sweaty man on top of me.
Speaker A:Mind you, I don't even think I could pick this guy out of a line out lineup.
Speaker A:Like, I don't.
Speaker A:I think he could walk up and say hi to me and I wouldn't even recognize him.
Speaker A:That's how I.
Speaker A:Like, I wouldn't even look at him the whole way home.
Speaker A:I was so embarrassed.
Speaker A:And so that's when I became sober.
Speaker A:I finally admitted to myself that it happened.
Speaker A:I admitted to my husband that it happened.
Speaker A:I think saying it out loud was so scary for me because it made it real.
Speaker A:Like, here I was, like, pretending that it didn't happen, blaming myself.
Speaker A:And when I came out to my mom and siblings, we were all on a trip for my mom's birthday.
Speaker A:We took her to Galena, had a great time.
Speaker A:But my sister said, heather, I hear you're not drinking anymore.
Speaker A:Like, what made it this time?
Speaker A:Because let's face it, there were many times before that should have been.
Speaker A:And I started shaking and crying.
Speaker A:I thought they were going to also blame me because they didn't approve of how I was living.
Speaker A:And that was hard.
Speaker A:And I just remember my brother, who was the only man in the room at the time because my dad had passed, he just came up and he hugged me and he wouldn't let me go.
Speaker A:And he said, I'm so sorry this happened to you.
Speaker A:But now, knowing what I know now, and it's still, I think my therapist has told me, what would you say to a woman in your shoes if you had a client sitting in your chair?
Speaker A:I know exactly what I'd say.
Speaker A:And I believe it all.
Speaker A:It's not your fault.
Speaker A:You can dress any way you want, you can act any way you want.
Speaker A:That is not okay.
Speaker A:I don't think I will ever not blame myself.
Speaker A:I would love to get to a place where I wouldn't.
Speaker A:But I think dealing with that, the drinking helped it go away.
Speaker A:The eating helped it go away.
Speaker A:So then.
Speaker B:I love.
Speaker B:I'm gonna interrupt because this is a pivotal moment in our friendship, because you were still drinking when we sort of reconnected.
Speaker B:I've been sober nine years.
Speaker B:You've been sober four.
Speaker B:And it was.
Speaker B:You went out with me that night for dinner, and you started drinking and you started speaking in cursive, as I like to say.
Speaker B:I did that.
Speaker B:I'm just gonna stay out for a little bit more.
Speaker A:Just a little bit.
Speaker B:These are all my friends.
Speaker B:I remember looking around that bar in Oconomowoc going, she don't know a goddamn fucking person in this place.
Speaker B:They know her name.
Speaker B:They don't know her.
Speaker B:She doesn't know them.
Speaker B:There is a vision in my head when you talk to me about standing on that street corner by yourself just in the middle of the night.
Speaker B:And that was the rock bottom, when there was so many other things that happened.
Speaker B:Hurting yourself and falling on your face and just so many devastating physical problems.
Speaker B:But the rock bottom was the lonely moment when you had nothing but you and your thoughts.
Speaker A:And you went, isn't that weird?
Speaker B:Holy shit, I gotta change something.
Speaker B:I wouldn't change any of that.
Speaker B:Of course, I left fully knowing that something may happen to my.
Speaker A:No, no, no.
Speaker A:No, you didn't.
Speaker A:Of course you did.
Speaker A:No, you didn't.
Speaker A:Of course you did.
Speaker A:I would not have gone with you.
Speaker B:I know.
Speaker B:There was no way.
Speaker A:No, because I did.
Speaker A:This is not on you.
Speaker B:No, not at all.
Speaker B:Well, no, I'm taking credit for you getting sober.
Speaker A:Oh, well, let me finish.
Speaker B:Taking all the credit for that.
Speaker A:You better.
Speaker B:For leaving you.
Speaker B:For leaving you.
Speaker B:And you had that moment.
Speaker A:But I remember telling my husband, like, so this happened because he was gone, away working.
Speaker A:And I told him that this is why this was my rock bottom.
Speaker A:I'm not drinking anymore because I don't like how out of control I was and waiting for that Uber by myself.
Speaker A:And he looked at me and he goes, that's it.
Speaker A:And I'm like, how do I make this man?
Speaker A:He's like, you didn't cheat on me or anything.
Speaker A:I'm like, no, I didn't cheat on you.
Speaker A:I acted a fool.
Speaker A:But I, thank God, was physically okay.
Speaker B:It was emotional.
Speaker B:That is the point.
Speaker A:But I didn't have the courage at that time to tell him about the rape yet.
Speaker A:So I had just told him this is what happened.
Speaker A:And I didn't like that feeling of being out of control.
Speaker A:And I didn't like the feeling of being that out of control and not having you with me and being by myself.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Where was everybody?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:That, I think, is a big deal.
Speaker B:And you just kind of realize, like, I'm a mess.
Speaker B:I'm a mess.
Speaker B:I'm alone.
Speaker B:These are my choices.
Speaker A:And I'm too old to be doing this.
Speaker B:I'm too old to be fucking doing this.
Speaker A:I'm a business owner out here.
Speaker A:A mother in this.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Small town.
Speaker A:Acting a fool on the corner.
Speaker B:It was probably cold.
Speaker B:I'm just assuming.
Speaker A:I'm always cold, so I'm sure I was.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So that was my sobering moment.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Hung up the flask.
Speaker A:Hung it right up.
Speaker A:Didn't need it.
Speaker A:And in the next episode, we'll talk about all the partying and falling on my face, getting into the food addiction.
Speaker A:But that was my come to Jesus moment.
Speaker A:But we'll get into our partying our way into addiction and all of that.
Speaker B:Yes, we will.
Speaker A:Into the next episode.
Speaker A:And about how I let myself get to 400 pounds thick.
Speaker A:I was thicker than thick.
Speaker A:I was smoothie thick.
Speaker A:I was slim fast.
Speaker B:What is that one that they go upside down?
Speaker B:Dq.
Speaker A:Oh, I was blizzard.
Speaker B:You are blizzard.
Speaker A:Ew.
Speaker A:I hate Blizzard.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Anyways, thanks again for tuning in.
Speaker B:Bye.
Speaker B:Bye.
Speaker B:Thanks for letting us tickle your ear hole and not turning us off.
Speaker B:Off after the first 30 seconds.
Speaker B:Don't forget to subscribe and join our email list to get in on the action.
